Ten reasons for me to drive faster

June 22, 2009 in admin
Tags: diversions, the life

I need to drive faster. Here are the reasons:

(10) School’s out, for summer. Thank you, Alice Cooper, for reminding me.
(9) I get better gas mileage driving highway… right?
(8) On I-295 and I-195, I typically get stuck behind the only guy on the road slower than me. While traffic whizzes around me on either side, and the guy behind me is pushing me and flashing his brights.
(7) I gotta get out in front of the traffic, because if there’s an accident, it’ll be around them.
(6) That guy in front of me, insisting on 30 MPH in a 40 MPH zone. I need to get there ahead of him.
(5) The cops will never catch me. They are already the unsafest drivers on the road, routinely moving at 20 MPH over the speed limit and using their flashing lights just to pass people. And they’re always moving out ahead of me.
(4) If I don’t reach the next red light sooner, I won’t get a green arrow for my next left turn.
(3) If I don’t reach the next red light sooner, I might not get a green light at all.
(2) If I don’t reach the next red light sooner, it will give priority to the other direction, no matter which direction I’m going, no matter whether there’s traffic going the other way or not.
(1) My business is more important than the next guy’s.

Yeah, I’m being tongue-in-cheek. Sorta.